Bikes, Beer, Grooming, & Gear!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Tagged

Ryan (@wolvesnwhiskey) was the first person to post a photo of someone else to Instagram using the #HDSALAB hashtag.

Jarad (@commonmuck) was the first person to re-post a photo from the HDSALAB blog on Instagram with the #HDSALAB hashtag.  Of course, he was in the photo.

Way to go gentlemen! These are the first steps to this whole thing going viral.  Who's next?

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Where to SALAB

If you live near the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul and are looking for great places to stand around and look at bikes, you're in luck.  On the full version of this site (sorry mobile users), there's a calendar of bike shows in the right-hand column.  Rides were excluded as they don't involve much standing.  While the shows are great places to practice your stand and refine your technique(s) of choice, there is something you simply cannot miss and it happens every month... First Thursday.

First Thursday occurs... wait for it... the first Thursday of every month.  Yes, it's that simple.  It is a HUGE bike night with hundreds, sometimes thousands, of bikes showing up.  The primary location is Dulono's Pizza, located at the corner of Lake and Lyndale in Uptown (Minneapolis).  All types of bikes show up including choppers, vintage, sport bikes, cafe racers, stock, and more.  Rows of bikes extend down the side streets and take up nearby parking lots too.

New for 2014, Moto Mania started up at the nearby VFW to handle some spillover.  They have a covered parking lot and had outdoor beer sales (featuring both Coors and Not-Coors) before Dulono's started doing it too.  The crowd skews towards garage-built customs, choppers, and cafe racers.  It's a very short walk between the VFW and Dulono's so it's easy to check out both.

Now get to work refining your skills.  The 2015 SALAB season is right around the corner!

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Technique: The Teacher

You never want to miss an opportunity to pique a woman's interest in motorcycles.  Should just any handsome dude stand next to your motorcycle?  Wouldn't it be helpful if you were there to answer questions?  This potentially educational & informative technique is called The Teacher, as demonstrated here by Kevin staring at his own Born Free 6 bike at the 2014 Bearded Lady Motorcycle Freakshow.  It's no surprise his nickname is "Teach".

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Technique: Halfway Is Not Good Enough

Let's see if you're learning anything useful... What's wrong with this photo?

If you answered, "there's too much HDSA and not enough LAB," you are 100% correct.  Women assume a bunch of guys in a circle talking and laughing are just a bunch of idiots telling dirty jokes, discussing sports, or doing something else they could care less about.  If that same group of guys were gathered around the shovelhead next to them, it might appear that they were having an intelligent, spirited conversation about motorcycles.  That could pique a woman's intellectual curiosity to see what all the fuss is about.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Technique: Kickstart Your Way To Being Noticed

Here is another example of an effective technique demonstrated at Full Tilt 4.  It combines HDSALAB and, as we have discussed, the most interesting motorcycle in the world, the Harley-Davidson Sportster.

Kicking your bike to life is rarely easy and almost always draws a crowd so women are very likely to stand up and notice.  As a crowd gathers to bask in the repeated failure before the ultimate glory, the simple act of getting your engine to fire becomes theater for the masses.  If that bike happens to be a Sportster, well, you have a recipe for pure magic.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Technique: Be Legendary

If you're going to stand around and look at bikes, the best way to get noticed is to ensure a living legend is in your group and that you are looking at one of his bikes.  Here is Tom Fugle teaching a master class in HDSALAB next to his bike "Double Diamond" at Full Tilt 4 in St. Paul.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Gear: Choosing The Right Boots

When you are standing around looking at bikes, you need boots that are both comfortable and make you appear more interesting.  Let's compare and contrast these two popular options:

Harley-Davidson branded lace-up boots (left).
  • There are many things wrong with these boots.
  • First, wearing anything that is branded Harley-Davidson is a red flag and should only be done with great caution and care.  You should limit yourself to wearing a maximum of one HD-branded item at any time to avoid appearing obsessed with the MoCo (an instant turn-off to women that may prevent them from getting interested in motorcycles).
  • Second, these boots have laces.
    • Wearing boots with laces means you either don't ride a bike with an open primary or you are a poser, which are kinda the same thing.
    • Laces are a sure-fire way to get your foot ripped off while riding an interesting bike.
    • In addition, there are few things less impressive to women than watching a grown man tying his shoes.

Red Wing Shoes engineer-style boots (right).
  • These are perfect.  Buy a pair.
  • They are comfortable to stand in, resist water (interesting men ride in the rain), look great with any kind of pants, and don't have all the violent foot-ripping-off mental imagery associated with lace-up boots.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Tech Tip: Make Your Bike More Interesting

You don't need to be standing around at a bike show to get women interested in motorcycles. You can achieve the mission by just standing around and looking at your own bike anywhere women are present.  However, it really helps if you are handsome and your bike is interesting.  If you over-index on the first point but fall short on the second, there is an easy fix.  Make your bike look like a badass Sportster!

It's no secret that the Harley-Davidson Sportster is the most interesting motorcycle in the world.  It can be customized in limitless way (such as Jordan's above) and, as a bonus, even has the reputation of being a girl's bike, making it instantly attractive to women.  Since 1957, the Sportster has been the epitome of cool in motorcycling.  So what do you do if you ride a bike like this Royal Enfield?

Easy!  Make it look like a Sportster in just 2 easy steps!
  1. Using spray paint and/or Plasti Dip, black out everything you can to hide the distinguishing features of your bike.
  2. Replace your gas tank with a classic Sportster tank.

Step 1:
Here you can see the engine area, headlight, and fork lowers have been blacked out.  While you study this photo, take note of the classic "standing in pairs" technique demonstrated in the background that includes Charlie looking at his own bike.

Step 2:
The tank is often the first part of a bike that is noticed.  This Sportster tank transforms the Royal Enfield into a Royal Enster... or maybe a Sportsfield.  That's not important as you will refer to your bike as a "genuine Harley-Davidson Sportster" from here on out.

Now go ride it to an area where women are present, focus on your stand and look at your bike while silently repeating the mantra "bikes, beer, grooming, and gear" to yourself.

If you get questioned about whether your bike is a real Sportster, insist it is set up for flat tracking like the Rusty Butcher's bike.  It really helps if you have a sweet offroad-style helmet like this one:

Then pull out your phone and show them a YouTube video of him jumping ramps on his Sportster like this one.  Don't say, "I taught him how to do that," because that sounds like you're lying.


If they're still not convinced because "the motor looks different", compliment them on their attention to detail and clarify that your Sportster is an Ironhead, not a sissified Evo.  Remember that the goal is to get women interested in motorcycles.  Once they learn more about them, they will see your bike for what it is, but, by that point, the mission has already been accomplished.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Technique: Standing In Pairs

Here you can see an excellent example of the "standing in pairs" technique at Scooter Trash 4.
Kevin is holding the requisite PBR tallboy and is clearly talking about his bike as Brett stands silently, intently examining the details Kevin is pointing out.

The incredible backlighting combined with multiple handsome dudes makes this scene something no woman can ignore.  While she may first be drawn to the handsome dudes standing around looking at a bike, her eyes will undoubtedly drift left towards the object of their conversation, and see how awesome Kevin's Sportster is.  She may be asking herself, "why does it lean so much?" and "why doesn't it fall over?"  Regardless, she is now one step closer to loving motorcycles.  Mission accomplished boys.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Art Of The Stand

If you're going to stand around looking at bikes at a motorcycle show, you need to know how to stand in order to stand out.

There are 4 key ingredients to a handsome dude's perfect stand:
  1. Bikes
  2. Beer
  3. Grooming
  4. Gear
In the example above, Dan is doing absolutely everything right.
  1. Bikes: This photo was taken at Scooter Trash 4.  There were awesome bikes to look at everywhere so the location was ideal.
  2. Beer: Not only is Dan enjoying a classic PBR Tallboy, he is using a matching PBR Can Koozie with the blue ribbon logo clearly facing out.  This screams "classy gentleman" at any women in the vicinity.
  3. Grooming: Dan's clean-shaven head demonstrates that he cares about his appearance and subtly reflects sunlight to attract attention.
  4. Gear: Dan stands out in the crowd by not wearing the traditional black t-shirt and jeans, yet he is still dressed appropriately for riding.  The sunglasses add a touch of mystery as it is not clear which bike he is looking at.
I hope you're taking a few moments to reflect on what you've been doing wrong all these years.  Say it with me, "bikes, beer, grooming, and gear."  It's damned catchy isn't it?  Now go out there and stand properly.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

A Mission Too Critical To Be Ignored

Once in a lifetime, there is that rare, magical moment in time when an idea so great, an epiphany so strong, demands to exist.  That moment occurred during a conversation at a bike show in 2014 and is the reason why Handsome Dudes Standing Around Looking At Bikes (HDSALAB) launched today.  This site is dedicated to solving one of the biggest issues plaguing the world today, the lack of women interested in motorcycles.

There are two goals of this blog, previously unmet by any other website on the planet:
  1. Get women interested in motorcycles by showcasing handsome dudes standing around looking at them.
  2. Provide handsome dudes with the knowledge and insight necessary to look irresistible to women while standing around looking at bikes, in order to support Goal #1.
Beware of copycats.  This is the original website dedicated to meeting these incredibly important objectives.